Its been a long time, but a good time.
Money.
I was offered a job last week(ish) as an Energy Security Analyst with Solicitor General. I’ve only been a planner with Employment and Immigration for 2 months, but I had applied for the job as an analyst before I left Justice. I went to the interview and in late August and felt like I had been anally raped by the interviewers. I knew I wouldn’t get offered the job, but was glad to get the interview.
Then they called one of my references.
Then they asked for a criminal record abstract.
Then my manager to be called.
Then they offered me the job.
I took it. I had to. The pay raise was unbelieveable and it was finally a job doing what I love more than chocolate - counter terrorism.
So I am in the final week of work with Employment and Immigration. Sad. I like it here, even if the work is mildly boring.
So I no longer have a need to write paid posts, which truly was my main reason for blogging. I’m not a natural writer. I am a good writer, but not great. And HAVING to write is painful for me. So I may let this blog go by the way side. But then again, I may not. Whatever.
I’m also booked to go to Mexico with the boyfriend in 17 days. We are heading just south of Cancun to Puerto Morelos. All Inclusive ofcourse. I had wanted to go to my cousins wedding in DR or Cuba in April, but I really can’t handle the drama of that side of the family any longer and the idea of staying in a hotel with them for a week made my anxiety flare up. So off we go to Mexico.
I’m super glad. I need a vacation. The last pure vacation vacation for longer than 5 days was to Kruger National Park in 2003. And while it was lovely, it wasn’t relaxing (waking up to wild animals in the African Veld is NOT relaxing). While I did go on a short 5 day birthday vacation for my 27th, I’ve never had a truly long relaxing vacation and I’m drooling over this one.
Ofcourse because I’m going with my boyfriend, people have ALL kinds of ideas as to what will happen on the vacation. I keep having to give people the shortened version of why its just two people who like each other travelling to the same place at the same time. And thats all. Not that I WANT any of these crazy ideas to happen, I just hate that we’re in a situation where they would not.
Which brings me to my last point. I firmly believe, and always have, that the way you treat someone prepetuates the behaviour you may wish to stamp out. This has only incidental meaning to the above note about my boyfriend. But its something I have thought about for some time. As a child (relatively), I always thought that if my parents wanted me to stop having attitude, they should treat me like I dont have attitude. If you expect the worst from someone, you will get it. That sort of thing. This isn’t to say people around me are expecting bad things from me, but people often DON’T want something from me and then complain when they get it. I could understand if my behavior was created in isolation, but its not.
Because I lvoe her to bits, I’ll use my boyfriends cat as an example. Shes one anxious kitty. My boyfriend (and I, I admit) would like her to become less anxious. But what do we do (ok, mostly me)? I scare her to get a laugh and grab her when shes obviously not wanting to be picked up. No wonder shes only making tiny improvements in her behavior. I keep giving her damn good reason to be anxious!
I’m in a place right now where I’m being told to be less insecure and more happy. Firstly, I never thought I wasn’t a happy person, but thats besides the point. So if we go with the persumption that I’m both and not argue that, I should have no where to go but up. I have a wonderful boyfriend, a great job and I love in a great city. Oh, and I’m healthy. But I keep being given reasons to be insecure. And I dont think the one person who wants the most for me to be secure understands that they are the one causing my insecurity.
Make sense?
And worst still is the fact that any conversation about this will make matters worse.
but I digress. I dont think I’m an unhappy person. Insecure, maybe a little, but I think everyone is. If we were all secure in every aspect of ourselves, then what reason would we have to become a better person?
