life after it all

I have a cousin who gets itchy feet when committment (or staying in any place too long) becomes an issue.  Some people get itchy feet at certain times of the year.  I get itchy feet when I see other people in the same position as me looking for other jobs.  I sometimes see it as a sign that all is not well with the employer, sometimes it gets me thinking "what am I not seeing here?" and sometimes I think maybe that person knows something I don't.  And I hate being left in the dark.

Well, it appears that a coworker is looking around for a new job.  Shes new at this game too in every respect (newly minted Masters, new in the position), so for all intents and purposes, she and I are in the same boat (especially since we hold the same title).  We don't specialize in the same things, but this job is hardly using our talents in the repect intended.

So shes looking around, or perhaps shes just interested in another job because its in her field of vision.  But it gets me thinking "maybe I should also be looking?"  Its true that this isn't exactly what I thought I would be doing when I graduated from my Masters.  Its using transferable skills, but not specific skills.  And while I understand that many positions in my field require the transferable experience that this position will bring, I am still left wondreing if I should be looking.

But we all know that what I really want out of life (right now) is an address for more than one year.  And thats what this position is offering.  In conjuction with experience and a decent salary (however, I am learning that I should be getting more with my education).  But, like everyone, I know there are postions out there that would satisify me in many other ways (location, salary, subject matter).  I know I should learn to be happy in the place I'm in, but I find it very difficult when other people are unhappy.  I wonder - should I also be unhappy?  Cause I rarely know if I am happy (employment-wise).  And maybe if I don't know, then the answer is that I'm not.  Or maybe that I just don't know.

I am ruled by my nerves.  This is not new.  Whether I do something or not is connected to whether or not I have the nerve to do it.  And so now, I'm nervous again.  I start my new job with Alberta Justice at 815am tomorrow morning with a meeting with my supervisor.  I emailed the HR person who hired me to confirm this meeting (since I've had no contact with my supervisor and I got this memo weeks ago).  But shes on holidays.  Again.  Oh my.  I hate first days at work, or rather, first days at anything.  I'm horrible with first impressions.

On another note - I need my personal space.  I'm getting irritated by my father.  Just his presense is annoying me.  We aren't really fighting a lot, which is a good thing, but we are together 24/7.  I'm sleeping on an uncomfortable futon while hes in my bed (which I've not slept on yet) and he snored al last night.  best part is that there was no discussion about him taking the bed.  It was a given.  Now I'm sleep deprived and my neck hurts and I bet I will be sleeping in that futon again tonight the night before I start work.  Count down until Sunday begins.

But Lost starts tonight.  So all will be ok for a few hours.

This is my new building. It is where I will research and analyze policy for Alberta Justice. Ok, I admit, I have no real idea what this means besides the fact that I will write briefing notes, but I'm still positive it will be very important. And I'm still gonna make myself invaluable to Alberta Justice. Even if they won't help me relocate (no relocation expense). Grrrr....

So yesterday was portrait day with the Saturday Night Girls. It was rather nice, and I can't wait to get my pics and put them in frames. The girls in those pics really are amazing and true friends.

Friday night, while in my happy stupor, I discovered a male friend of Kathy's thinks I'm a "bitta tail" (I heard it from the horses mouth in a very funny way). To translate to anyone who doesn't speak Newfoundland, bitta tail = means you look hot. Now, I've known this male for a few years, but he is clearly KATHY's friend, not mine and besides knowing his last name, I know little about him except that he is a percussionist. Sadly, I've never felt anything for this male - not that he's ugly, just not my type. But I was flattered to be a "bitta tail", even if it was only on Tibbs Eve. But it makes me wonder, if I was a "bitta tail" on Tibbs Eve, why didn't be do more than just say "Hi" to me? Sigh. Boys. Looking forward to some men in Edmonton.

PS. I did look like a bitta tail on Tibbs Eve.

This is NOT the above mentioned male. 

Yup.  It happened.  At 630pm last night, I received a call form Michele at Alberta Justice and accepted a 14 month contract. 

I cried.  I was happy beyond belief, but my tears were more than just about a new job.  It was about finally closing a very bad and negitive chapter in my life.  I learned a lot from the past year (and ultimatly from the train wreck that was the past 4 years) and now its time to put that learning into practice.

This is not EXACTLY what I trained for.  At least in the subject matter.  I did do criminology and crime/law as an area in my Bachelors, but when it came time to do my Masters it was nothing but Security Studies.  So I will have to call up some knowledge that I haven't really had to use in some 5/6 years.  But it is an area I did enjoy when I was studying it.  I even contemplated going to Law school, so its not completly out of the blue that I would someday work for some Department of Justice.  I will however, be using every single TRANSFERABLE skill from my Bachelors and Masters.  As a Policy and Research Analyst I will be writing briefing notes for the Minister of Justice, evaluating the suitability of policy, researching potential effects of current and proposed policy and a bunch of other stuff which I'm sure Sara can fill me in on.  As far as I'm concerned its a very important position (certainly the most important position I've had thus far in my life).  And my salary reflects that. 

On the salary note: holy crap!

Anywho....I'm moving to Edmonton on Jan 24th.  Dad is coming with me for a week to help me get settled.  Its really rather sweet and I apreicate it so much - mostly because I don't know how to get cable/internet/telephone/lights in my name.  We have no idea where we will stay till I get my apt, but we are renting a car and I will tackle the 6 lanes from Edmonton airport into Edmonton for the second time in my life.

Jazz Hands! (my new way of expressing excitment - or ordering a glass of wine)

I start my new job on Feb 1st.  And my contract is up March 31st 2009.  Its not expected to be renewed as I am filling in for someone who is expected to return on April 1 2009.  But as anyone in government will tell you - once your in the government club, your in.  And as only I can do, I will make myself invaluable to Alberta Justice.

Linda from work is convinced I will find myself a cowboy and live a happy life form here on in.

And I'm inclined to believe her.

I took it on with a vengence last night.  I think I knitted for about 4 hours - learning and then practicing.  Its so very easy once you get the hang of it.  I'm far form Nanny, but soon I will tackle a scarf.  And before long, Dad will have me doing socks (hes been without homemade socks since Nanny died).  Mom pointed out last night that there is a difference between a hobby and an obsession.  Yes there is.  But do I know the difference?  Not really....

So Alberta Justice have not forgotten about me.  I received an email from my htird reference last night that she was talking to the HR people at Alberta Justice last evening.  I have started to give up on them.  But alas, they ave not forgotten about me.  This is exciting.  I don't know if they will contact my fourth reference now.  I just hope they make a decision soon.  I hate being in limbo.  Or as Louise put it, I hate not being on control.  This has a lot to do with having expectations of myself and others.  and I think I'm doing pretty well.  I could be here tearing out my hair....

My plans for the week are pretty low key for the first time since Tibbs Eve.  Yoga with Dani on Thursday night and possibly renting a movie with Amanda on Friday (maybe Kathy would like to join us).  Or Saturday, I guess I have to check to see when I'm working now that everythings changed at work.  And maybe coffee with Charmaine on Saturday.

Yes, I did say it was a low key week and looking at it now, its not looking as low key as I had thought.  Well, theres o booze involved, so I guess thats a start.

So as an addition to my last post, Sherrie has told me that my Saturn Return has begun.  Like I said, my mom was predicting this since I returned from Cape Town.  It started Sept 3 2007 and will continue until Oct 29 2009.  Two freaking years of an  unsettled life.  At least it doesn't all have to be bad, I guess.

Saturn Return is a time of great change in ones life.  It generaly means change and uncertainity.  But change and uncertainity doesn't have to be all bad, does it?  But that my Saturn Return has started does explain everything that has been going on in my life for the past 6 months.  And it does explain the sense of urgency I feel.

Best part tho is that my Saturn Return is in virgo is characterized by the end of a relationship with a controlling man.  DONE and DONE!  I'm glad to have gotten that out of the way early in my Saturn Return!

I'm off to get a million tests done tomorrow.  Blood tests, xrays and ekg's.  I also have my therapy session with Louise.  Don't know how many I will go to anymore with her.  I have been feeling overly blue since about December 29th, but its more about the lack of any direction in my life moreso than about the ass.  Maybe I'll cut back to seeing her once every three weeks rather than once every two weeks.

I'm back to looking for a new "wait and see" job here in Newfoundland.  My hours at the store were cut almost in half because my boss is a cunt.  I'm not the only one whos hours were cut, almost everyones were.  But it means I need to start looking for something in the meantime.  Maybe I will get the job in Edmonton afterall and it will be a moot point.  But I'm no longer counting on the job in Edmonton because they are taking their sweet ass time with it.

Government.....

I was kind of dreading today.  I had an appointment with an Internist at St. Clares.  It wasn't the appointment that had be depressed, but WHO the internist was - a South Africa.  Besides somewhat regular IM chats with a South African in London, I've not really talked to a South African since I left the airport in Cape Town in Sept.  And I was NOT ready to revisit that accent again.  But Dr. Berman was nice.  And from Cape Town and from the same neighborhood I was living in that last time.  We only briefly spoke about Cape Town.  and without knowing WHY I left Cape Town, he said "A PhD is over rated - if I was you I would be happy with my Masters".  I like this man.

But about the appointment.  The inital guess is that I have an over active thyroid. However, I need a million tests to confirm that.  So I go back for a million tests on Monday.  If that points to nothing, I must have more invasive tests. 

I am back to the counsellor on Monday morning before all the tests.  I don't know how much longer I can afford to see Louise because my hours have been drastically cut at the store.  Eeeppp - so I'm also looking for a new retail job.

Because.....Alberta Justice are still dragging their feet.  In fact, they have come to a dead stop. They have not contacted my 4th reference (altho they have acknowledged that they received that email on Jan 2).  My Criminal Record check is still being done and won't be ready until mid next week.  I'm beyond annoyed with the whole thing.  And like my previous blogs  - I just want life to move forward. 

Altho I find when my mind is busy with something else I am not depressed - but I think thats more because I am just not dwelling.  And I'm a dweller.  And with less work, I'll be dwelling more.

According to Sherrie over at StickyAppleKisses, she thinks shes in her Saturn Return.  My mom has been saying that about me since I returned in Sept.  I feel I'm about a year too young for it.  But I guess not entirely, as I will be 28 in April.  So maybe August was the beginning of mine - when I offically started to have a crisis and mental melt down.  Unfortunatly, I could be going thru this for the next 2 years.

So yah.  My hour with a South African...

I could tear through this post.  I could use a few curse words to describe just how annoyed I am.  But I won't.  I will put out the facts as they are.

The closing date for the job competition I am sitting was Oct 2nd.  I received word that I was given an interview in early November.  Over two weeks later, I was called for a second interview.  At the end of the 2nd interview, I was told to submit a writing sample and Xpresspost a form allowing them to conduct a CSIS security check and a financial check.  Plus, I provided them with three references.  So its a week later.  They have contacted 2 of my three references.  I get a call yesterday telling me I need to provide a 4th reference AND a criminal record check.  Preferably the 4th reference should be an old prof.

So I try to contact some profs last night and because I haven't submitted anything for the past 2 years to them, they will not be a reference.  And the criminal record check - its bloody xmas.  It will take at least 2 weeks.

However, they are "really considering me for this position".  I could hear the fear in her voice that I would tell her to f*&k off.

Seriously people.  Now I won't find out about this job until the second week of Jan at the very very earliest - thats the earliest I think I could get my damn criminal record check to them. 

I SOOOO hope someone else comes a long and offers me a job before them.

I am livid.