life after it all

I don’t want my body donated to science when I die.  I also don’t want to donate my organs.  For some odd reason, I believe that its all going with me when I die.  Crazy, I know, but there you go. 

But I’m not against stem cell research.  I know a lot of people are against it - and some aspects of stem cell research can be concerninng, especially that which involves embryo stem cells.  But I’m a pro-choicer - its not a baby until it can cry bloody murder as far as I’m concerned.  But I understand why some people are less than thrilled with the procedure.

So when I heard about a new stem cell research method that involved with collecting stem cells from your menstrul fluid, my ears perked up to say the least.  I mean, come on, the benefits of potentially saving yourself or your children later far out weight the potenial gross-ness involved.

Your stem cells are then stored at low temps for potential gene thearpy in the future.

And we don’t even know the full potential of stem cell research.  Imgine what can be found in 5, 10 or 15 years.  Unlocking the potential of stem cells is mind blowing to me.  So I’m game.

Just Visit C’elle for more information. At the very least, its an interesting concept and worth checking out.

And it comes in a small kit (I would also hope discrete):

I love that there is a picture of a woman in there.  And now you can purchase a second kit for a friend or sister for free when you purchase one for yourself.  Now thats one hell of a birthday gift.

Last night I went with my old co-worker to see Nine Inch Nails.  It was awe.some.

I felt like I was 15 again.  Trent put on the most amazing light show I had ever seen and he sounded just like he did on his cds.  He played for over 2 hours, which is no small feat considering he was giving it the entire time.

It was well worth the $25 I paid to see him.  Well worth it.

Next up is folk fest.

I just have to slow down my spending…

I hit a car.  Yes, I’m famous for it.

I was turning left onto Allandale Road in St. John’s.  I was “taking the day off school”.  I shouldn’t have been by the Arts and Culture Centre.  It ws a crap day.

I hit a small brown car going about 5kms. Not a lot of damage, but the air bag did pop up.  It scared me and my passenger (also “taking the day off school”).  We scrambled out of the car, but I forgot to put it in park.  It rolled across the street and hit a house.

Crap.

This is why I need car insurance - especially insurance nbi.

I was ok after the accident.  I did get a scar on my lip for cursing so hard when the air bag popped.

I’ve had a clean record since.  I swear.

This is a paid post.

I’m gonna be honest.  I submitted a post for Pay Per Post and it was accepted and when I went back to the main page, it was offered to me again.  This never happens.  Generally because you are not allowed to post on the same post twice.  But I’m gonna give it a shot.  Next post is my attempt to do it.

Wish me luck.

Its too expensive to own a car right now.  Gas is through the roof.  And while the oil companies “appanrently” are suffering, they cannot be suffering as much as the regular commuter.  This is why I dont have a car.  I was going to buy one this summer and then gas prices went up.  I thought about the fall with my raise - and then gas prices went up again, AND theres no where to park in my building.  So I’ve opted to wait until I get permanent.  And hopefuly by then gas prices, gas stocks, the war in Iraq - whatever - will be over.

But one of the big parts of owning and driving a car is insurance.  You can always opt for cheap car insurance madera.

Its better than getting the pants sued off you when you rear end some idiot who cut you off.

This is a paid post.

I started my new job this week.  Program Planner at Employment and Immigration.  They have a lot of faith in me to do a job I’m not strictly qualified for.  I do not have the knowledge base to do this job.  They said it, and i know it.  But my resume is outstanding - they said it, and I know it.  So I will try.  And pray I dont fall flat on my face.  More about what I do when I figure it out myself.

I had a moment of clarity this week.  i received a nasty email from someone I spent 4 years of my life with.  Its not in his character to be so nasty and the email was so out of the blue i didn’t realize who it was from to begin with.  but it made me wonder: if there was anyone on this planet I really thought i knew - it was him.  I may not have liked certain aspects of him - especially after the break up, but i knew him.  I knew his quirks, what made me hot, what made him sad, what he liked to eat, what he liked to listen to, what he wanted to be when he grew up and some rpetty dirty secrets from his past.  But when I received this nasty email this week I was never so glad to be millions of miles away from him.  It became clear to me that I was the better person.  And it made me so respectful of what I have now that I’m in doubt if I really deserve it.

I felt like I woke up.

It has been awhile.  Mostly because I’ve been too busy to think about making any money blogging.  But I have a slow day and here I am.  Just to update.

I’ve come to realize I work in a shit hole.  While this sweeping generalization isn’t entirely fair, the two people who have made my work warrent this description have ruined it for everyone.  I hate my supervisor.  I think he is a horrible person who has horrible people skills.  So over the past month I have jumped through every hoop to try to live up to his expectations.  I’ve been reprimanded for taking time off, for not doing my job well enough and for sometimes just breathing.  i’ve been harassed and bullied to the point of tears.  I’ve ever pursued my union rep (who after 3 weeks of trying to get a hold of, I finally have a meeting with today).  But its all a moot point because I have a new job.  Instead of working in hell (a term that is held my many people to be accurate), I am moving to Employment and Immigration as a Program Planner.  Its certainly not in my field and I do not have the knowledge already in place to kick ass, but I have potential (as my interviewer said) and more potential than the other final candidates with more subject matter knowledge.

Its not permanent - but neither is the one I’m currently in (and I was told by my lovely supervisor that my contract will not be renewed).  But its not here.  And really, thats all that matters.  I will continue to pursue the elusive permanent government position until I find one - preferably in my area.  And next Monday I have an interview with Environment. Also not in my area, but a permanent position as a Legislation Planner.

As people have told me over the past few days - I must look out for number 1.

Lets keep out fingers crossed that something works out without much difficult or strain.

but in the meantime, I’m enjoying knowing that this hell will be over soon enough!

Firstly (and most importanly), I need to thank everyone who called, emailed or hugged me while I went through a tough time with my grandfathers death.  While it was a long time coming (at least since Xmas), it was still tough.  By Saturday, I was back to my mostly happy self and while a boat load of people had a hand in that, spending time with my boyfriend was perhaps the most immediate source of my relief.

i was somewhat MIA from Tuesday night until this morning - and here is how I spent it…

I spent Tuesday night alone.  While Dave came over for a bit, I spent the night in my own bed, waking up every few hours with bad dreams.  WEd was a long day for me.  There was a lot of crying, but a big help was a phone call from Bevin who said it best “its just what we do”.  And shes right - calling a friend in need is “just what we do”.

I spent Wed night till Sunday with by boyfriend.  I pretty much leeched every last bit of energy from him, I can tell.  I cried lot on Thursday and Friday, but the turning point came Friday night when I was at a party and never once thought about it. the hangover the next morning can atest to that (thank you Tequila).

I bought a bike with his help on Saturday (my boyfriend, not Tequila).  Its the cutest bike I’ve ever seen.  It has flowers and a basket.  It really is me, altho I loathe to admit I can be a girl.  A good two hours biking did prove that I have a boney ass.

Sunday was an errend day, but I got a quick bike ride in.  Sore ass or not, I was getting out there on a bike that cost me $600.  I got to see Les’s speech from the funeral on Saturday.  It was touching.  I had forgotten about the story where poppy brought his pony to school at St. Pats.

Many glasses of wine later and I got home.  It was one of the most fulfilling weekends I’ve had in a long time.  nothing special was done and it was all rather run of the mill for Dave and I, but I felt very close to a lot of people the whole weekend despite being thousands of miles away.

I didn’t sleep well last night.  I was up till 430am. and then slept for 2 hours before getting up.  I’m learning a nasty little habit.  I sleep better next to Dave.  I kinda always knew I slept better with another body in my bed.  but next to Dave I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.  After 4 nights of wonderful sleep, last night came as a shock as I just couldn’t get to sleep.  It really is a nasty habit as I doubt I’ll be able to bring Dave with me wherever I go for the rest of my life.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

did I mention I tried Squeeky cheese the weekend before last?  It made Dave laugh.  It felt like nails down a chaulk board.

the cheese, that is.

It is not even June.  The weather is starting to feel like summer.  Yet I’m looking forward to Christmas.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year.  If someone stole Christmas from me, I would think my life was over.  I love the smell, feel and look of Christmas.  I love the family atmosphere.  I love the food.  I love it.  Theres not much else to say.

But before Christmas is black friday.

Wha?

Its the Friday before American Thanksgiving.  Its the time where people generally and offically begin their Christmas shopping.  I like to start before then, but having worked in retail for many years, I can see that once the turkey hits the table, people get a little crazy at the idea of Christmas shopping. 

This Black Friday website however lets you NOT stand in front of your favourite store at 5am waiting to get in a buy that one gift that he/she can’t live without.  You can buy items online.  And even better, the site will send you email alerts to tell you when stores have posted Black Friday ads.

How easy is that?

Now, how many days until Christmas?

This is a paid post.

Last night the last of my grandparents died.  At 8:07pm Newfoundland time, in his home, surrounded by family, Francis Furgus Wall died at age 92. 

We all believe it was time.  For 91 years, he had a great quality of life.  While the last 5 years were occasionally marred with hospitial trips, he always….ALWAYS bounced back and had the whole Wall clan out to dinner at the infamous Fairmont Hotel.  This last year has been rough.  He was in hospital when I returned from South Africa in September and again at Xmas.  At Easter we truly thought we were going to lose him and on Friday, it became evident that maybe I should think of coming home.

I’m not however.  I have the cash, but spending the $1500 is not wise right now.  Work even offered to give me a salary advance.  But like I said, its not about “having” the cash.  Its about the right decision to spend it. 

And, funerals are for the living.

I’m taking the rest of the week off.  And I have the weekend.  I dont feel like being alone.  In fact, my sleep last night was littered with nightmares that woke me up sweating and frigthened.  But alone I am.  And I understand that this is my burden to wear right now.  But it makes it a lot worse to be alone.

But doing ok.  I just need a lot of distractions.

My grandfather was a larger than life man.  He grew up in St. John’s, the son of a local business man who owned a store on George Street (before it was GEORGE STREET).  He enlisted in the army for World War 2 as a mechanic and was posted to London just before the war ended.  He never saw action - not even to fix front line machines.  Someone early on recognized his wonderful voice and he sang his way through World War 2 for the BBC.  We’ve all heard the recordings of his silver voice.  And we’ve all heard the stories of how he was hung up by his suspenders at the Newfoundland Gate in front of Buckingham Palace. 

He was a small man physically, barely reaching 5′5.  But he went on to do great things.  He marred Isabell Madden in the 1940’s and they had 6 children, of which my father is the youngest boy.  He was a salemans for larger industrial equipment in those early family days and schleped the family across Newfoundland in the summer combining a family vacation with business.  We’ve all seen the silent home videos from the late 1950’s or early 60’s with the children in the water and my father with his floaties on.  Poppy was rarely in those videos, but what we did see of him was a proud man in slacks and a plaid shirt always leaning against the car.

In the late 1960’s he moved on to work for the Royal Canadian Legion.  And this was where he made his most memorable contribution to Newfoundland life.  He fought tirelessly for the rights and welfare of Newfoundland and Canadian war vets.  In the 1970’s Poppy was the President of the Newfoundland Royal Canadian Legion and eventually, in the 1980’s he took the position of Prov Secretary.  This was a position that suited him well.  I remember time and again after I moved from Medicine Hat going into the branch office in Pleasantville and sitting in those big chairs in his office while he sat behind his oversized desk.  Paper was always over flowing.  The women in the office loved him.  The vets loved him.  Everyone loved him.  Not always for his pleasentries, but his ability to get the job done.  And then some.

There isn’t a politician in Newfoundland or an important businessman who doesn’t owe some debt of gratitude to Poppy from those days.  In 1988 he was awarded Citizen of the Year for St. John’s.  I clearly remember the celebration the family had for him at Aunt Kathys.  He was 72 and still plugging away at what he felt was a worthy cause.  He worked behind the scenes for the Liberal Party and voted for them until the end.  I’m even sure there are national Liberal leaders who will hear of poppys death and pause for consideration.

He married again in 1990 after Isabel died in 1984.  I didn’t know Mary well, but I did go to FLordia with her and poppy in 1993.  Mary was active - at least in comparision to poppy.  At 76 he felt he deserved the right to sit on the condo balcony and watch the waves.  And so he did.  But nothing compares to his non-plussed reaction to the storm of the century the last night I was in Florida.  While the city of Medera Beach was coming apart at the seams, Poppy just went to bed.  Leaving Mary, mom and I to battle a storm of epic porportions.

Mary died in 1999 and Poppy buried a second wife.  Shortly after he moved to Elizabeth Towers Assisted living.  This was more to please the children than out of necessity.  Poppy was still taking the Wall clan to the Fairmont and Biancas monthly well into his late 80’s and even partying with cousin Jeff and his celebrity friends from Toronto.

He was working on dictating his life before he died.  And he had such a life.  There is no way I can even come close to sketching out the life he led.  And I dont want too.  Everyone should remember him in their own way, not the way I did.  My story of poppy will not resemble anyone elses.

He became cranky in his old age.   Theres no denying that.  But he always had time for his grandchildern.  He outlived one grandchild, but he reveared her in death.  A small memorial to Cindy still remained in his living room until the day he died. 

He helped me travel to South Africa in 2007 and never questioned why I returned early.  He always gave me money when he felt I needed it and I’m positive he did the same for the other grandchildren and great grandchildren.  He appreciated us differently, but none of us believe we didn’t get exactly what we deserved from him.

My fondest memory of his later life was how he always got up from his expensive lazy boy when we left.  Always kissing us on the lips.  Giving the biggest hug he could.  By later life he was barely 100 pounds and had shrunk to 5′4.  He wore his pants around his chest and never failed to have a glass of scotch at the side table.  For a man who smoked until 90….well, theres nothing else I can say.  He smoked until 90.

I don’t get to come home this time.  I dont get to say goodbye to this man that I complemented generously in my birthday dedication to him in 2005.  But in a small way I’m glad.  My lasting memory is not of a frail man in failing health, but of poppy.

My poppy in the chair.